Outta the shell

Hello World.

Odd that even in writing a blog, the hardest part is where to start.  I am plus-sized, I always have been, as far back as I can remember.  God didn’t create these hips and these ta-tas to be a size 0. I am a plus-sized rider, and while I have been kicking around starting a blog the title of this menagerie came through a conversation I had with a friend a few months back. I have recently relocated back to NoVA from coastal GA. My husband and I seem to yo-yo between the two areas.  I have was having some issues with the presentation of my trainers new program, and was nervous about approaching her about it (that was dumb, because she’s awesome.) During this mini-crisis, I asked my friend about other trainers in the area and who she recommended.  My friend really has a finger on the pulse of what’s-what in the horse industry in NoVA.  She recommends this woman, and I check out the lady’s website.  Her barn is amazing, the pictures are fantastic, and her references and working student experiences makes any girl who read Horse Crazy mags in the 90’s sparkle with anticipation.

My heart immediately plummets.  This woman would never let me on the property, much less on the back of a horse.  So I told my friend that I would look into it, but one of the things I love about my trainer is that she doesn’t demean me for the RWF- riding while fat.  Because in our sport, it’s almost a crime.  Frankly, I am 36 now, and I have zero patience to give trying to fight someone else’s negativity.

I have been planning on writing a blog for several reasons, but the main is accountability.  I have been on a health journey for well over a year now.  It’s been filled with the normal highs and lows, and lots of research and frustration.  I am down 30 lbs from my heaviest, and the direction that journey has pushed me towards includes getting my masters in nutrition. I stayed away from doing so for years-who is going to listen to a fat nutritionist?-but I got over myself (and others, please note above). I am harping this statement accountability because this is not another body positivity blog.  I do not like being fat, and I do not like being sick.  And I was sick, things like “diabetic” and “depressed” floated around in my medical file. There are enough places you can go to get your “I am fabulous” fix.  The very first place should be in your own heart and mind.  I can tell you from experience, you will never get anywhere until you get the fact you’re really kind of special in your own heart and mind. I am still kinda wonderful, even if I don’t want to be fat.  Even if I don’t want to be unhealthy. Calories-in/Calories-out is a MYTH.  So is macro-nutrient restriction.  I am living proof of this.

But, I will broach the body positivity universe this once.  Please think about yourself.  It has taken hundreds of thousands of humans to make you.  You are the culmination of years of love, dedication, and sex.  So don’t ever think you are deficient in the sexy qualifier–you were born that way.  It’s biological.  Your body is a gen n of your family line, by now it’s already built to be a pretty fine system.  If you are finding yourself in a situation, as I was, where your finely honed system is going haywire, don’t hate your body.  It’s the holder of your soul for this space and time, and if it’s misbehaving, there is a reason.  I felt trapped in my body, and I am pretty sure my body felt overwhelmed by me.  We are communicating better now, but there is still a long way to go.  You are welcome to come with me.


Post-script:  I never did visit the farm that my friend suggested.  Who knows?  Maybe they would have been great.  I worked everything out with my trainer, and pony is doing awesome!

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